Nothing

Nothing happens for nothing happens for nothing happens
Nothing happens for nothing happens for nothing happens
The call came. My phone registered the dread again & again
The dread again and nothing happens for nothing happens.
My heart lodged in my searching. What to say now, what?
” You called me a murderer, you called me a tramp, me a..
In my culture that’s a curse. I’ve started drinking again,”

Nollywood babe Nollywood expectations Nollywood
Reactions Nollywood displays of anger only yours.
Nollywood tears even Nollywood speak is spoken:
“I don’t want to talk about it. After all I done” she said
Audible tears streaming. “I’m angry with you too!”
My heart continues summersaulting in my throat
Curdled fat after eating cheap burgers and chips, yuck!
“I know how you feel. I’ve felt that way for as long as I
Dare remember. We need to talk. We need to talk,” I
Said the pain of it driving me to closer and closer -edging.
“Why do you drive me to distraction?” she said selfishly.
“Why do you find it so hard to talk when talk we needed?”
“You are making matters worse. I’m driven to drinking,”
She said like it was my fault happily forgetting me as always.
In her Nollywood bubble she said: “I’m better than you,”
Laughing laughing laugh, “you’re a disgrace. You’re evil.
I put up with your pussy putrescence, your toothless head,
Your shambling dress sense and you dare call me a tramp?
You called me a murderer? In my culture that’s a curse!”
It didn’t occur to me to look how your put downs trashed me
I couldn’t get a word q edge way clamped up by your
Nollywood eviscerations the Nollywood babe stance, final.
“You’ve nothing doing always scribbling nothing doing.”
Nollywood put downs; the coup de gra of an unemployed
Transdyke. “Shall I thank you for that then, no offense!”
Nollywood didn’t do sexuality or gender identity issues
Except for some sick titillation or religious ego massage.
How could I expect you to know where I was coming from?
“How do you mean I don’t know where you coming from?
“Why do you treat me like this? Is it something I did, is it?”
“Trust me I’ve been this depressed for as long as I remember!
Too years of hell and you ask me that. I was angry I was.
Joe Blogg doesn’t matter Nollywood babe it was all us, us?”
“I need out I need out I need out. I won’t be angry forever”
Nollywood banter Nollywood clutter Nollywood banter, heck!
Is this how people end up on psychiatric wards up & down fear?
Nothing happens for nothing happens for nothing happens nothing
Happens nothing happens for nothing happens for nothing happens.

Mia Nikasimo (c) November 2011