I just worked out I have been on 9 planes since April 26th that’s almost one a week - up and down all over the place. Night flights, jet lag, a two hour flight takes 7 hours, queues for security - at DC I had to take my jeans off cause I was beeping all over the place. It’s just plain boring and I still have 6 more flights before 1st September and then another 4 in October and that’s it - I refuse to go anywhere for a minimum of 4 months. I am seriously tired, my concentration and motivation are down - I cannot process all the information being thrown at me from all corners. I cant even concentrate on watching TV never mind trying to read a book. I cant sleep properly, am overdosing on coffee to get me through the day and not eating properly because I am too tired to cook.

I know some people have been doing this for years but I am hating it. People keep telling me how tired they are - manifested in all kinds of physical and mental disabilities such as headaches, low immune system resulting in an assortment of infections, depression, chronic fatigue(ME), lack of concentration - attention deficit, anxiety and panic attacks, insomnia , low energy levels because all of the above sap your energy. Although anyone can suffer for any of the above I do believe that women, LGBTIs (see Kym’s post on being called a “dyke bitch” at work) , women on low incomes and particularly women of colour [more likely to be poor] are especially susceptible to these illness because of the additional stresses they face in a white heteronormative world. Add to that those of us who think outside the mainstream dominant hegemony then all of the above are exacerbated.

Whilst I accept the need for security at airports and other public places - you get to realise the number of everyday mechanicisms used to control people - the layout, presence of police and other security personnel, cameras, even road crossing (no jaywalking allowed), passes, guards, fences, borders, controlled spaces for doing this and that - and these are the obvious ones that we all take for granted. What about the ones we don’t see such as monitoring our emails, phone calls, letters (some may recall the incident with my books and papers that never arrived). Profiling of Black and “Arab” looking mainly men but women also, prisons, criminalising of sections of our communities such as the poor and immigrants, attempts to control our bodies such as forced sterilisation, preventing women from accessing abortions and just attacking anyone who is different ie not white fe/male ken and barbie - the list goes on. I am sure there is much more but my thinking is waning and I am getting tired of writing already and not sure where this is going - maybe I need some more coffee to keep me functioning. There is no conclusion here but that’s what happens when you cannot concentrate - things don’t get finished and your mind is all over the place.