Comments on: Going for a song http://www.blacklooks.org/2006/10/going_for_a_song.html black looks Thu, 04 Dec 2008 03:17:34 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.2.2 By: Nancy http://www.blacklooks.org/2006/10/going_for_a_song.html#comment-54136 Nancy Thu, 21 Jun 2007 15:40:59 +0000 http://www.blacklooks.org/2006/10/going_for_a_song.html#comment-54136 In Chicago Illinois there are approximately 1500 black children waiting to be adopted compared to 500 white children. I am white and adopted a black child. We have been verbally and physically assulted by whites and blacks. I can't wait until people stop segregating. It only shows ignorance. Be smart, love don't hate. In Chicago Illinois there are approximately 1500 black children waiting to be adopted compared to 500 white children. I am white and adopted a black child. We have been verbally and physically assulted by whites and blacks. I can’t wait until people stop segregating. It only shows ignorance. Be smart, love don’t hate.

]]> By: aiki http://www.blacklooks.org/2006/10/going_for_a_song.html#comment-4601 aiki Tue, 21 Nov 2006 11:37:58 +0000 http://www.blacklooks.org/2006/10/going_for_a_song.html#comment-4601 Sokari, I totally agree with you and admire your thought process. I myself am an East African living in Europe. Am Married to a European. Both of us are not able to have children naturally but have always independently made bringing up children a central part of our adult life. There are many children in orphanages where I come from. After informing ourselves extensively on adoption and my blackness not qualifying me to adopt in my husband's country, we decided to head for home and adopt from there. Several reasons helped me decide for home. First it was important for both of us that we be able to extend the child's culture to him or her at a later stage. Since I only know one culture in depth, what better reason than to adopt from home. Secondly, my husband knows my country very well having lived and worked there for several years and his affiliation with my home is very strong. That he knows my culture and my language helps us to be confident that our daughter will always know who she is. Of course, we don't want her to end up with the confusion of being "European" but rather the recognition that she has one European parent in addition to me. She is quite fair and could pass for my husband's biological daughter but we do not want to trick her into thinking that. Both sides of our families have accepted her whole heartedly and I think my being black makes her situation unique and easier. She does not stand out alone in my husband's family as the 'non-white' and on my side we are all the same colour. As a black person, the Europeans here do not even want to consider me as an adoptive parent of a white child and I ask myself 'why'. At the end of the day Tara, it does become a racial issue. Why can you adopt in Africa but I can not adopt in Europe even though my living standards are way above the average European. It boils down to one thing only, my blackness which in western terms stands for poverty, disqualifies me from adopting a white child but your whiteness says you are wealthy so you can adopt a poor disadvantaged black child. I do not agree with white families adopting black children if they are not willing to go back to that country at some point with the child so that the child can get a feel of his/her identity. I do not agree with white adoptions of black children when the white parents refuses to educate themselves on the care of that child. That is the uncombed hair because they are not aware that we need hair oil and an afro comb; and the ashy grey broken skin because the white parent fails to realize we need body oil twice a day especially in the winter months. Do they even know about sickel cell? What will they do when this shows up? If you are a prospective white parent who wants to adopt a black child, unless you are willing to do your homework, don't take the child. They will just end up growing up with a lack of self confidence and a dislike for the self. My daughter is lucky that we go home every year and she will always know who she is, and I am so proud that my husband has opened himself for re-education in areas that as a white person he admits he would have failed the child had he adopted her alone or with a white partner. Adopt, yes, from wherever you choose, but know that it is beyond just thinking you are a 'saviour' and have done your part in making a difference. To have love to give is not the only reason, you must also be prepared to love the child enough to give him/her an identity that is hers and not yours, as would be the natural case for ones biological children. Sokari, I totally agree with you and admire your thought process. I myself am an East African living in Europe. Am Married to a European. Both of us are not able to have children naturally but have always independently made bringing up children a central part of our adult life. There are many children in orphanages where I come from. After informing ourselves extensively on adoption and my blackness not qualifying me to adopt in my husband’s country, we decided to head for home and adopt from there. Several reasons helped me decide for home. First it was important for both of us that we be able to extend the child’s culture to him or her at a later stage. Since I only know one culture in depth, what better reason than to adopt from home. Secondly, my husband knows my country very well having lived and worked there for several years and his affiliation with my home is very strong. That he knows my culture and my language helps us to be confident that our daughter will always know who she is. Of course, we don’t want her to end up with the confusion of being “European” but rather the recognition that she has one European parent in addition to me.

She is quite fair and could pass for my husband’s biological daughter but we do not want to trick her into thinking that. Both sides of our families have accepted her whole heartedly and I think my being black makes her situation unique and easier. She does not stand out alone in my husband’s family as the ‘non-white’ and on my side we are all the same colour.

As a black person, the Europeans here do not even want to consider me as an adoptive parent of a white child and I ask myself ‘why’. At the end of the day Tara, it does become a racial issue. Why can you adopt in Africa but I can not adopt in Europe even though my living standards are way above the average European. It boils down to one thing only, my blackness which in western terms stands for poverty, disqualifies me from adopting a white child but your whiteness says you are wealthy so you can adopt a poor disadvantaged black child.

I do not agree with white families adopting black children if they are not willing to go back to that country at some point with the child so that the child can get a feel of his/her identity. I do not agree with white adoptions of black children when the white parents refuses to educate themselves on the care of that child. That is the uncombed hair because they are not aware that we need hair oil and an afro comb; and the ashy grey broken skin because the white parent fails to realize we need body oil twice a day especially in the winter months. Do they even know about sickel cell? What will they do when this shows up? If you are a prospective white parent who wants to adopt a black child, unless you are willing to do your homework, don’t take the child. They will just end up growing up with a lack of self confidence and a dislike for the self.

My daughter is lucky that we go home every year and she will always know who she is, and I am so proud that my husband has opened himself for re-education in areas that as a white person he admits he would have failed the child had he adopted her alone or with a white partner.

Adopt, yes, from wherever you choose, but know that it is beyond just thinking you are a ’saviour’ and have done your part in making a difference. To have love to give is not the only reason, you must also be prepared to love the child enough to give him/her an identity that is hers and not yours, as would be the natural case for ones biological children.

]]> By: sokari http://www.blacklooks.org/2006/10/going_for_a_song.html#comment-4360 sokari Wed, 15 Nov 2006 07:33:03 +0000 http://www.blacklooks.org/2006/10/going_for_a_song.html#comment-4360 You can justify your actions any which way you like and of course you have to otherwise how could you do it. You comment shows you do not understand the issues - you think you are putting the child's needs first whereas in fact it is your needs that are being put first. There are many ways in which you can support orphans and whole communities not just by giving money but by affecting meaningful change in your own governments attitude and also by supporting projects that do excellent work without being patronising and victimising Africans and our children. What evidence do you have of black children doing well in white families? I have much evidence of black children being severely displaced by growing up in white families. Do whatever you have to do but do not expect me or others like me to give you our endorsement. Go adopt a white kid - they need families too! You can justify your actions any which way you like and of course you have to otherwise how could you do it. You comment shows you do not understand the issues - you think you are putting the child’s needs first whereas in fact it is your needs that are being put first. There are many ways in which you can support orphans and whole communities not just by giving money but by affecting meaningful change in your own governments attitude and also by supporting projects that do excellent work without being patronising and victimising Africans and our children.

What evidence do you have of black children doing well in white families? I have much evidence of black children being severely displaced by growing up in white families. Do whatever you have to do but do not expect me or others like me to give you our endorsement. Go adopt a white kid - they need families too!

]]> By: Tara http://www.blacklooks.org/2006/10/going_for_a_song.html#comment-4348 Tara Wed, 15 Nov 2006 01:12:32 +0000 http://www.blacklooks.org/2006/10/going_for_a_song.html#comment-4348 Why is transracial adoption a problem? I am in the process of adopting two African Children. People have asked me everything fro "Why don't you want two little white children from here" to " You are going to bring back AIDS". All of this shows how uneducated and ignorate the world is. There are MILLIONS of African babies dying all the time. There is a huge need for adoption. I am all for helping Africa get out of poverty, and be able to take care of their own children, but that takes time, and in the mean time children and growing up without stable attachments, or dying. Kids that grow up with Attachment disorder become problematic in society and make the problem worse not better. Why do I not adopt from the US? It is more difficult, more costly, though not impossible. In the mean time there are less expensive, eaiser routes of adoption in Africa, and the needs are great! There is a lot of Black culture everywhere, there are more and more White Families adopting Black Children that would not have love and stability otherwise, and many die before the age of Five! I have every intention of giving my African Children as much culture, and experiance of African Life as possible. Will I be perfect? Of course not, I have not grown up in Africa, but I can give love and opportunity. I feel like these children are already part of my family, and they are God's Children, I am part of Gods Family, just as they are. There are many Black Children in White families that do well. When are we going to start really looking past color. The fact that there is a debate about it shows that racisim is still very much part of our culture. Good for Madona, Angelina, and every other celebraty that is going something worthwhile with their money. Who cares if it is a plublicity stunt or not ( I don't believe it is) it raises awareness of a very serious Global problem. Why is transracial adoption a problem? I am in the process of adopting two African Children. People have asked me everything fro “Why don’t you want two little white children from here” to ” You are going to bring back AIDS”. All of this shows how uneducated and ignorate the world is. There are MILLIONS of African babies dying all the time. There is a huge need for adoption. I am all for helping Africa get out of poverty, and be able to take care of their own children, but that takes time, and in the mean time children and growing up without stable attachments, or dying. Kids that grow up with Attachment disorder become problematic in society and make the problem worse not better. Why do I not adopt from the US? It is more difficult, more costly, though not impossible. In the mean time there are less expensive, eaiser routes of adoption in Africa, and the needs are great!
There is a lot of Black culture everywhere, there are more and more White Families adopting Black Children that would not have love and stability otherwise, and many die before the age of Five!
I have every intention of giving my African Children as much culture, and experiance of African Life as possible. Will I be perfect? Of course not, I have not grown up in Africa, but I can give love and opportunity. I feel like these children are already part of my family, and they are God’s Children, I am part of Gods Family, just as they are. There are many Black Children in White families that do well. When are we going to start really looking past color. The fact that there is a debate about it shows that racisim is still very much part of our culture.
Good for Madona, Angelina, and every other celebraty that is going something worthwhile with their money. Who cares if it is a plublicity stunt or not ( I don’t believe it is) it raises awareness of a very serious Global problem.

]]> By: Mike http://www.blacklooks.org/2006/10/going_for_a_song.html#comment-3454 Mike Thu, 19 Oct 2006 21:00:48 +0000 http://www.blacklooks.org/2006/10/going_for_a_song.html#comment-3454 I 100% support Madonna for aopting little David. I say this because I was adopted from Kenya by a white couple who gave me the opportunity to go to school and live a good life and now I am doing so much for my poor relatives in Kenya and they are so proud of me. I 100% support Madonna for aopting little David. I say this because I was adopted from Kenya by a white couple who gave me the opportunity to go to school and live a good life and now I am doing so much for my poor relatives in Kenya and they are so proud of me.

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